Friday, 16 June 2017

How to respond to Defiance in Children?

When children display signs of defiance, it tends to drive the parents mad. However, if you are interested in knowing the best technique of responding to defiant children, you will have to formulate a strategy. For instance, if it is about a ride on the cars with remote control, parents may be inclined to use force. However, it is an approach that can make things worse for you and the child in terms of aggravating the situation. Therefore, following tips may prove helpful

What can you do?
The changing behavior of the kid is usually an outcome of causes. For instance, if they feel suffocated or forced to do things they do not like, they will learn to react in form of being defiant. This is another way of saying no to you, from the perspective of a child.  Similarly, the weak relationship with parents is also a reflection of negative emotions. Therefore, you may want to spend time looking for the loopholes in order to repair them as well. Similarly, if you are under the impression that punishing the child for defiant behavior can control the problem, you are wrong. There are many reported cases, which show that it will not resolve the conflict. Moreover, it can add to the misunderstanding between you and the child.


Specifically, if your toddler is creating problems in the house, it is necessary to understand that they are in the developmental stage, learning to say no to you is their way of getting to know what they like and asserting their personality. Therefore, the best approach is to convince them with love and care rather than being harsh because force and punishment will add to their grievances.

Preschool Children

Even though children who go to the preschool can express their sentiments and choices; however, it does not mean that it is not linked to other causes. For instance, the child may be looking for a connection or feels deprived in terms of your love and care. Therefore, you will have to slow down and invest time on them in terms getting to know and addressing their concerns. Moreover, if you can make them feel light by playing with them or improving your connection, it can resolve the issues to a large extent.

Elementary School Children

Being treated unequally is one of the main concerns of children who have somewhat conceptualize the idea of fairness. This means that if they do not feel heard or misunderstood, they will react to it in terms of defying to what you say or the boundaries established by you. Similarly, your children will know what annoys you. So, they may test the patience level by getting on your nerves, however, if you remain calm and try to work it out, the tension can be defused.

Preteen Children

The peer pressure is one of the most common causes of defiance in preteen children. Therefore, you will have to help them in form of taking a break and to teach them how not to get distracted by the level of expectations. Similarly, if you can have a discussion session with children, it can reduce the gap in the relationship if not completely overcome them. Moreover, if you try to understand their side or perspective, it will give them the support to get through it. Furthermore, you can view the period of defiance as something that is temporary and make efforts to understand them. To name a few, doing well in studies, social life is two of the expectation that can become a burden for children who are not trained to deal with the pressure.

Disconnection from the roots and family is one of the sources of defiance in this age bracket. Hence, if you can learn to decode the words of your child and respond to it in form of being there for them, the phase of defiance will become easy for them. For instance, children in this age may want to hang out with their friends, as they are open to them and do not feel judged. This means that you can replicate the same model in terms not being judgmental. Reflection is another way of trying to cross the apparent oceans between you and the child. In addition, expressing your feeling and showing affection for teenage children is effective.

Respect the Right to Refuse
It may be hard for you because parents feel that they have the right to be respected and if the children refuse to listen to you, it may offend you. However, if you look at it from the point of view of respecting the child’s right to refuse to you, it may become easy for you to put up with the behavior. This is not to say that you can give them complete freedom to do whatever they like, however, if you give them space and give respect, you can expect to get the same in return. For instance, if you apply the same point to yourself, you will notice the difference, as you also say no to children when it is not right. Therefore, if you can exercise your right to say no to children, children can also be allowed to do the same.

Defiance is an Opportunity

It is a little odd; however, if it is done to resolve the issues between you and the child, the parenting can be improved more than your expectation. The idea is to see the defiance of the child as an opportunity to find the weak points of your relationship and fix them. Similarly, it can be an opportunity for the children to face the challenging environments and to come up with new avenues of approaching the same problem. For instance, if your child pretends to listen to you rather than saying no directly to you, it could mislead you into thinking that your parenting is going well. On the other hand, if the children are blunt with you, it may not feel good to you, but it will help you to focus the energy on things that are of concern to the child. 

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